She said she didn't have time to shave "there"
Then she shouldn't have had time to order the lobster.
is not sure whether or not everyone at the club last night calling me a-easy is a good thing?
It was then that he suggested we all nibble ears. A nibble circle.
He told me I couldn't drink an unopened bottle of water he had in his room because that was his emergency bong water
he's got a countert top full of yard sale blenders so id say maragita wednesdays is a go.
It's sad the highlight of the night was you didn't electrocute yourself again.
Why is everyone in the bowling alley looking at me like i'm a prostitute just because I have bunny ears on?
I know. My only sports are biking to buy drugs and running from the police.
How do I go about messaging a girl on a dating site whose little sister I've had a three some with...?
I met a pornstar at his bachelor party and signed his shirt giving him wedding advice
No apologies necessary. Just give me sex and Pop Tarts, and we'll call it even.
But I've also made plans to crash a black tie event wearing a storm trooper helmet. I think I've found the love of my life..
I am having telepathic thoughts with my cat. He loves me and wants me to blow his nose
we just drove past a kid stuck in a tree what a wonderful time to be alive
You told him he “could park his dick in your garage”.
Well he didn’t. It shouldn’t be this hard to get a penis.
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