i'm signing you up for texting rehab
My penis is the apex of life and all other references. Lookin for a cheap vagina at this point. And cheap Korean BBQ
You drunk yet?
Nope. Give me two hours then delete my texts before you read them.
Cant make any promises.
ive decided something. ive accepted you as being gay. but i havent accepted you as a vegetarian yet.
ugh i can't even wear this perfume anymore. it just brings back blurry memories of blowjobs and regret.
For some reason there are two like 10 year old black girls crumping at the bar. I feel like I'm in a missy elliot video.
I'm chatting with a girl missing a front tooth. I find it quite distracting. I'm sure you have deduced what bar I'm drinking in on this monday night.
"Wine night with the girls" turned into me having to set an alarm in the bathtub this morning...
No judgement. Sometimes you gotta twerk on a legends face.
she walked in on me throwing up in the sink with my pants around my ankles and I said "i'll be with you in a sec"
I just lit a blunt like right in front of an old man and I was like sir please shieldeth your eyes
you flipped over the sheets and there was my bed. filled with ding dongs.
I'm gonna have to get a lube sherpa.
He did a backflip because drugs
It’s so white trash that I almost have to have it.
Randomize
