I chose taco bell over sex...
good choice.
JoAnns office is warmer than mine. . .it must be because she has the gateway to hell under her desk.
we were taking shots of hot tequila, which is even worse than it sounds
GUESS WHAT I JUST LICKED
I feel like half our conversations start this way.
He wanted to put Kesha on after he came in my mouth. I had to draw some sort of trashy, gay line.
There are only families here. I'm at the bar alone double fisting drinks. You cannot get any more approachable than I am now.
He doesn't care. He wouldn't care if my vag grew arms and smacked him in the face.
apparently putting your t-shirt on your head with a bottle of captain and telling girls your the pirate king of tallahassee doesn't work
I just had a horrible epiphany. I have fucked girls younger than Star Tours
This text was so worth waking up to
If the fate of the world hinged on some chubby girl getting laid, the president would dispatch me with a fifth of Jameson immediately and then rest easy.
If I'm walking weird, don't judge me. Things got kinda outta hand with the GoPro on.
Christ I forgot how flexible you need to be for a decent sext pic. Jesus.
You fell out of his top bunk onto his set of golf clubs. After seeing blood on your leg, you proceeded to sing "the first cut is the deepest" while sprawled on the golf clubs
Theres a woman here with grey hair that im pretty sure i would have sex with
I want to shoot him sideways (so he can still breathe) in the Adam's apple with my little crossbow.
Randomize
