Call me so I can make it juicy for ya
it's not gay if you rub your penis between their butt cheeks and pretend they are tits
There's a show on the Discovery Channel about T-Rex sex. I think this just made my life.
your ability to fuck hot guys even when you go out in sweats amazes me
I should probably file for unemployment. Sometime between last night and 4 AM I facebooked my manager the lyrics to hoe by ludacris. I'm just projecting ahead here.
We were on the balcony tossing jello shots to people passing below
When people said no i'd yell "i tried them i promise they aren't roofied!"
He slow fucked me. Doggy style. On a porch. You never slow fuck doggy style. Its a law. A LAW.
Dude you couldnt even talk, you just kept hiccuping and slamming your head on the wall.
Someone I just met told me they were going to name their kid after me. Daylight savings is weird.
we got kicked out of the bar last night for sneaking into the back kitchen and eating handfulls of cheese in the walk in fridge
I think I'm just going to go like every guy on tinder who has a jetski. I'm doing this for us, Summer is coming.
I think the highlight of my night is when I was eating a mayonnaise sandwich. drunk me was on point.
I'm good. Got my nipples pierced and threw my back out. 🙌
He was like 120 lbs and 20 of that was penis
I'm like a camel in the desert in a black hole I'm so thirsty.
Randomize
