so he went down on me and i thought i heard him say "you're smelly" to my vagina
i got awkward and finally asked him what he said
he actually said "you want some dick?" to my vagina. which is worse? either way he's talking to it
Just got laid for the first time in 3 yrs, 10 mo, 1 wk & 2 days. YESSSS.
just got a girls number while on a 5 am adderall cig break this is college at its finest
my brother is about to go smoke a joint outside... he's preparing his munchies on the counter beforehand. I admire his responsibility.
I decided to have standards now that i've graduated. No guys without a bed frame.
So, do you know where my left shoe is? I mean, we were at a few places last night, and I called them. No luck for me.
Do you think my job would send me for a second drug test if i took a whole pumpkin pie to work for lunch tomorrow?
I need someone to get my backpack from the bar before class tomorrow. I have to give my students their papers back.
I need a leash, or some shame. Maybe.
I'm just sad for you. It sucks that the 17 douchebag asshole guys you're fucking can't morph into one nice, normal, non-alcoholic guy that has a drivers license and no criminal history.
well i mean, we just followed them into an alien and astronaut party. there was tin foil everywhere
Simultaneously sexting while making brunch plans. Multitasking at its gayest.
Why do I like him? He literally has no redeeming qualities.
that is our friendship pylon, do not lose it
fuck you.
DO NOT LOSE IT
The only thing i ask you for is vegan food and sex.
Randomize
