I'm not crazy, I only keep calling you cause you won't pick up.
So Ive decided I have serious issues. Im walking around the school with a bag labeled booze money collecting from people while slightly hungover at 8:20 in the morning, and nobody is questioning me.
I may or may not juuuust be reaching the point where I find some humor from waking up in the parking lot at the standard.
I'm not really into her personality. Not that we've ever looked for personality in women.
That's only a quality to look for in a second marriage.
i've really grown. sober me left an alarm for me every 10 minutes that said NO FAT CHICKS!
dude. im stealing that.
This taco party has no tacos, just a hot asian guy in booty shorts. We were lied to.
Oh I already celebrated valentine's day. I stayed up until 4 AM listening to biggie, drinking rum, and caressing all my girl curves in front of the mirror. And then I came 3 times.
Don't you dare blame me for walking in one walking in on ur fuck session....u decided to fuck where we hid our booze
she was literally 3 feet away from the garbage can, said she couldn't make it, and then proceeded to vomit on the floor in front of everyone in the restaurant
How exactly do I approach the whole "Well that was fun. Am I purchasing the Plan B or you?" topic?
He put himself in the friend zone by calling me dude all night so I blew his friend. Judge me.
So, my ex just showed me the drunk voicemail we left him last night. Started out with me saying "I think it's Shane." Then you took my phone and started singing a song about peanut butter, train tracks, and tequila. I joined in. On the upside, he said he's totally fine with being on the drunk dial list from now on. Soooo, another tequila night??
I mean, with your nipple problem im surprised. #hangacoatonem
Idk I was embarrassed that I hit it too hard so I played it off by spitting out bong water like a 'whales blowhole'
Rationing the toilet paper. Only one wipe allowed. I'm scared to move too much.
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