Emee failed...She used my genitals as a tampon
im typing and i feel like my hands are on backwards.
Stop texting me, I'm right here.
There's limited edition cherry vanilla nyquil. It's like they know how much I hate myself and they're giving me a consolation prize.
she just gave me a present from you... on a stripper pole. in front of the whole club. :)
WHY ISNT THIS A PICTURE MESSAGE
You are right. The scrape marks on her ass are from her breaking the doggy door by crawling through it.
then you said,"Take this damn cabbage!" although it was actually your shirt. i found you in the elevator of his building.
Think of it this way, instead of a puppy, we're getting a baby.
Yeah haha but we have no idea where his keys are. Last night was awful. Him and Chancey were in a fully embraced bro hug at one point. Both crying.
Hiding the dark circles under my eyes this morning was like trying to hide a Beached Whale on the Couch eating Pita chips.
We could get her a gift basket of Xanax l
You told him about your cats? I told his friend to put his dick in my mouth, and you talked about cats!?
She text me that night and asked how the dick was and I quote my drunk self "average at best"
Found this cake smashed up inside a box on the sidewalk. Im saying yes to adventure and eating some.
Taking a nap. Sidewalk cake kicked my ass. It had boston creme filling!
Can you leave her a note saying "did you enjoy watching me fuck your roommate?"
I will.
I've been trying to fall asleep with ice packs covering my vagina for the last hour... Sorry for being vulgar. I'm going to kill myself.
Randomize
