Small dicks are the new regular sized dicks.
He said to me this morning that we should finish these beers, go and get plan B then on the way back, go to the pub to celebrate the death of our baby. I love Manchester.
How can he have such a manly penis and baby hands?!
just found out I caught the bouquet at the wedding. I win for being the drunkest yet most functional bridesmaid.
Yes, he made a MIX CD for our booty call...
Hahahahahahhajahahahahajajjajahjahahajahahajajahahahajjajajahahjajajajajahahahajjjajajaahhahhahahahahahahahaha dominos taxi
I just karate chopped a humming bird out of mid air. It came at my face while I was out side smoking. Scared the shit out of me. My ninja skills just took over. Haha. I mean really at that point it was me or him.
So I went tanning and I burned my boobs.
They're like sad pomegranates.
he said he was going grocery shopping but when he came back all he had was a jumbo bag of pancake mix and case of beer.
the essentials, lol
Props to the guy blatantly doing coke in the bathroom at the bar. Walked out of the stall with a credit card in hand, sniffing loudly and shouting "choo choo"
Me and my girlfriend were watching porn together..... it got awkward cause I kept getting notifications from my family on Facebook
I'm on my third roll of toilet paper. Today can fuck right off.
He can be a kind, caring soul but also give in to the temptation of eating unicorn ass.
I'm licking blood from my knuckles and I still haven't found my car keys..are you in town tonight?
This is why I love being gay. I could never afford that much birth control.
Randomize
