tod's in jail
he was afraid of holiday checkpoints so we let him ride my mom's tandem bike home. by himself. at 4 am.
Maybe if i eat something filling like whole wheat pasta it will make me less hungry for things like dick
cab driver says "I saw your friend who opens her legs. she went home with two guys." pretty sure he was talking about you
my feelings for you are synonymous with those of a grizzly bear and salmon. i don't want to nom on you; but i need you to survive
My mail consisted of a box of dildos and christmas card from grandma.
Her boyfriend only talks to me because I know her period schedule
I feel like I wont be making enough money to support my frivilous lifestyle of beer and mcdonalds
I'd rather just be alone, than deal with this bullshit. I just want to be alone. Cats and vibrators never let you down.
I'm sitting in my 10 am lecture drinking a flask out of a dorritos bag...I think people are starting to notice but I'm already too drunk to care
AFTER I licked the bald guys head they told me we weren't playing
I got back from work this morning after working the night shift to find an NFL player scaling the side of our apartment...from your window. He just took sneaking out to all new level. Care to explain?
I think that about sums it up, actually.
He's two decades older than you. Remember how you said you wish you lived in the 70s? HE DID.
I even put my vibrators back in the bedroom instead of the coffee table. If that's not growing up then I don't know what is.
So today was the first day i've been sober since Wednesday according to my roommate!
I'm seriously considering starting a savings account so I'll have bail money this summer.
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