this is amy. the small petlike person from the womens bathroom at the reef.
I can only masturbate in one position. It's very inconvenient.
I cant go down on him yet. All ive had to eat is olives and percocet. semen would only add to tomorow mornings discomfort.
It took you an unbelievable amount of time to realize that your ass was on fire.
My one night stand found me at the library and randomly gave me plan B. He was scared I was going to get pregnant because he has a very high sperm count.
You know its a good sign when a girl asks who everyone is AFTER she flashes her tits to the room.
Um I think everyone drunk and there's some douche on violin.
I made a blanket fort and am drinking Gatorade and eating donuts watching 500 days of summer. I can't keep spending my saturdays like this.
Just because you graduated a semester early, doesn't mean you can take a semester off of drinking. Sorry.
I let him fuck me in a batman costume. Don't talk to me about needing to read fifty shades gray.
we tried to exchange flip flops in the parking lot and fell over then army crawled home
Jenna, I'm going to use all my homosexual powers to steal him from you
Austin, I will climb on top of your shoulders and slowly suffocate you with my vagina
You can't just say you're dying of terminal cancer everytime they try to card you
About to go make a man out of a 24 year old boy
As I shove my ninth taquito of the day into my mouth...
Picking our battles
all my friends are getting married and here i am in a committed relationship with rum
Randomize
