yeah he was eating me out and i didnt know someone made popcorn so I thought the smell was comming from my vagina
wtf
There's a warrant out for his arrest for throwing a mannequin through a bus stop.
Afraid I'm about to get arrested. Complicated situation but not a joke. If I do not text again that all is clear within 90 minutes kindly begin bail process. I have the cash to repay as soon as I get home. Details later.
I'm at about main and main street
I know. I told you I'm a mess. She had weird nipples. I almost lost an eye to one.
I have no idea, but there's a bus parked in front of my house and like 6 texts saying im gonna prove my love. this is either really really awesome or really really bad.
I just wish he'd leave so I can vomit in peace.
It's simple. He fucks me at his place and I fuck him at my place. It's like man of the house gets to top.
I'm 99% sure I just flashed my dad with my vagina. So that's the new low now.
I accidentally left my shirt at my booty calls house. He washed it & hung it up for me in his closet. I can't decide if that's sweet or creepy
My girlfriend is talking to my ex-boyfriend at the bar right now. I REPEAT, GIRLFRIEND IS TALKING TO EX BOYFRIEND RIGHT NOW. GET ME THE FUCK OUT OF THIS PLAACE
I just set up a proportion to calculate how much Jolly Rancher vodka I can make with the limited amount of Jolly Ranchers I have. Finally, real-life application of math.
Ok so I'm not gonna ignore the fact that you had sex on a frat basement floor and spent the last 4 years wondering how you got HPV
Was picked up in the middle of a bar full of people...apparently I'm not tall enough to reach for drunken makeouts. I'm proud of myself.
Okay she just told me to turn the volume down on the fan. What does this even mean?
Randomize
