My mind said no, but my drink said yes.
I need hand sanitizer and jesus.
First rule of pills: If you can't remember what it is, take half.
how drunk was i? i pretended i was getting a blowjob from a fuckin dolphin in front of my dad. thats how drunk i was.
Well, you're either very drunk or very high but I'll let it slide because I love any type of conversation concerning cheese.
since i'm not going, you must continue my tradition of flashing every person there.
He has an intense fear that my cat will attack his balls while we're fucking
Don't you realize there's more to life than sex and pizza rolls?
Drank for free all night and I'm not even sleeping w the bartender. What is this magic?
When that bartender tried to tell us he sang like Sade, I knew it was time to go
I had sex upstairs in my parents house, and my mom texted me and said "those raccoons are out of control in the walls."
Sooooooo, can scratch getting a pelvic exam by a man dressed as Woody from Toy Story off my list.
You need to write an essay about this experience.
He was even wearing the hat.
Like, I don't need to know your life dude. I just need you to suck my tits.
god i just can't wait for finals to end so i can just masturbate all day and night
And you seriously thought you could just walk in naked with a bow tied around your penis?
It seemed like a good idea at the time...
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