im at a party in sweatpants, slippers, and a basketball jersey from the eighth grade, 10 bucks says im still getting laid
Just saw a girl i'm pretty sure is simultaneously jailbait and a milf. I never want to leave mexico.
They are providing beer and having a margarita machine. This cannot be passed up.
Ia nefed hefelkp i am a taxi
im looking at burger kings website. there isnt one anywhere close to where we were last night. i think it was sent from heaven
Jello bowls to the fucking face, that or ramen spiked with liq. Those are the only options in this house.
You are very nonchalant about the high probability of us having an orgy.
Eh, I'm ok with this, this can work. We're the best kind of the worst people.
Please delete that video of me blowing you. I will repay you with 100 blowjobs even better than the one I gave you during that video. Please. I am gonna be a grandma one day.
I just watched the lion king for the first time in years. It's like the equivalent of a really good blow job.
Can we do a version of last night where I actually remember shit?
I feel like you're the reason public nudity is illegal and generally frowned upon in society
We're trying to make our wedding vows nice but meeting on OkCupid fucks that up entirely.
How I know we're old. Don knows the owner. The owner said 'How about some shots?' We said no thanks. He looked puzzled and came back later and said 'You know it's on the house?' We said 'Yeah, no thanks.'
I keep worrying the police are going to come looking for us.
For which one? Starting a fire on my porch or having sex on my porch?
You stumbled in the door as high as a kite, & ran into the table. I asked you if you were all right. You replied with "I don't have any soup."
Randomize
