Go study a dick amy that's outrageous
I didn't have a rubber, but my dick had a date with a clorox wipe after we finished. I think I'm in the clear.
How did people poop without Blackberrys?
Motorola Razers?
Stone age, man.
Walked home this morning with my contacts in a shot glass.
First class.
Also I just saw on facebook your sister is taking pole dancing lessons. Just a heads up.
THERE ARE SO MANY GREAT DICKS IN THE WORLD. HOW DID I NOT DISCOVER THIS SOONER!?
There was a dismembered bleeding penis in my dream last night. That's some serious Freudian shit.
It was like the devil him self busted his red hot satanic nuts all over my face and burned my eyes out of my innocent sockets.
They invented a new game at work. Its called guess if I'm baked, hungover, drunk, or some combination of the three. Its surprisingly very difficult..
he went down on me while I ate Oreos. I don't know what caused the orgasm.
She tried deep frying a banana by placing one, unpeeled, into a toaster.
He just walked in on me naked with a beer in my hand eating a calzone in bed. If he wasn't in love with me before...
She was talking about how a garden gnome was hitting on her the whole night. We thought she was just that high, but turned out the gnome was that guy in the weird hat.
Just shaved my balls on a moving train. By far the most dangerous stunt I've ever pulled
i really didnt think i was that drunk last night but the txts from unknwn #s that say i like your lace panties are def telling me otherwise
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