Ummmm I went to see who was upstairs, he was the only one in his room so we had sex while the travel channel played in the background.
Oh good. Romantic. Still, I'm jealous of the sex.
Probably not, since he made me promise not to tell anyone it only lasted ten seconds.
Aren't I supposed to sit on your face?
I'm sitting in my bathroom sink, eating a tuna sandwich. He had better weed than I expected.
Will you come get her? She's trying to get the pizza guy into the bathtub.
Had sex five times today because there was nothing else to do. I had no idea snow days could get even better than when we were kids
okay have fun. but Under NO circumstances ever attempt to outdrink the german exchange student. no matter how badly you want to blow him. just don't.
Used my phone to vibrate 'eye of the tiger'. It's like Rocky is punching my nuts, but gently.
Don't stress. That was a joke. I'd trust my pets with no one else. Accidents happen. Sometimes things go smoothly when you help a neighbor out and sometimes you electrocute their fish. Life is funny that way.
Oh my lord it is too early in the morning to be that horny freak
my vagina doesn't wear a watch
Please hurry. I'm the only one here who's not an attorney with a trophy wife.
You turn 21 at midnight!
This is better than being born!!
Grateful to be alive soliciting dick pics. Thankful i'm alive for these little things and especially these big ones too.
a victory without nudity is not really a victory
Few clarical questions about last night: 1. How did we get home? 2. Am I wearing your underwear? 3. Where is Andrea? 4. Guy with nose ring last night hot?
1. You tried hitch hiking "like a pro" and flashed cars while sticking out your thumb until I called Michael. 2. I don't know but probably. 3. Who is Andrea? 4. Hot.
i out mim tonsoeep
Randomize
