he just flicked a booger into my mouth and shouted "goaaaal!"
He got me an interview at his law firm and his boss asked him what he had to say about me. His response "He dates CRAZY bitches."
I dont think he was a real cab driver. I think he was just a creepy guy with a van.
I drunkenly asked a stripper to join our volleyball team.
As i looked at his penis, it stared back into my soul. No more drinking games.
She still cant shoot whiskey?
Im having serious doubts about this relationship
He said in a slur "I go so hard, even when I..." and cut himself off by projectile vomiting all over the ice luge.
hey, you wanna get together over coffee or something?
is this code for 'i just got broke up with and i need a sympathy dicking'?
how did you know?
This guy keeps going off in the metal detector. When is it appropriate for me to punch him in the throat just in case?
Will it make you feel better if we wear the title of dysfunctional fucking roommates? It requires monogamy unless we want to bang someone together.
I woke up with a cutting board and a bag of uncooked pasta next to me.
I hope you get stoned and think that you're a seal in shark infested waters
Oh you know, the usual. We had a good date, I took her back home, she took off my pants, laughed, and left.
Can I just keep holy water in the night stand next to the vibrator?
On a scale of 1-10 I’m at biblical violence
Randomize
