I was the only open register tonight and I just sold condoms and chocolate frosting to the ex..
I woke up this morning to the buzzer on my oven going off... I cooked fish sticks at 425 degrees for 5 hours last night. my house smells awesome
she danced around my room naked waving around the gold trojan magnum condoms singing "i have the golden ticket."
little did she know i was taping her the whole time.
its like she was born with a silver dick in her mouth
M WATCHING THE HISTORY CHANNEL AND IT SAID THAT WHEN THE LUST PART OF THE BRAIN IS ACTIVATED THE JUDGEMENT PART IS NOT. THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
I have no recollection of sleep choking you
oh my god i'm in a crawl space
The pastor just stopped the sermon to lay hands on me. THAT hungover.
It's been this way for a few days. I had chick fil a on Friday so this could be an attack from the Gay Gods as punishment.
Just saw a woman in bootie shorts and a winter coat at the library. God. Bless. Prostitutes.
I can't help you right now because I'm shaving my feet...like a lady.
He smells like ham and a lifetime of poor choices
I'm trying to make sure he doesn't drown in the toilet. Because I'm a nice lady.
She's still mad at me for saying she looked pregnant and not getting her chicken nuggets.
She just kept screaming and saying "fucking you is like fucking a mountain"
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