between no blow jobs for the rest of his life, or no cheese for the rest of his life, he chose no blowjobs. ive never felt so bad about my bj abilities before
Just saved her as "new hostess that randy banged" ...I forgot her name
That fucking fat Asian kid that NOBODY invited is stuck in the dryer again
you set the microwave for an hour telling me that the done sound was your alarm.
OH MY GOD MY GRANDMA JUST SHOWED ME HER BOOB OH. MY. GOD.
Tomorrow, if I don't look at least 5% better than I do on a regular day to day basis, I want you to hit me and tell me that no one will ever love me if I continue to look like I just rolled out of a cocaine induced hibernation. I'm asking you for tough love.
The face that yo gabba gabba comes up when I'm stoned and searching for yoga workouts is scary or dangerous
Dude. Why is there a hamster in my pocket? WHAT THE FUCK WAS IN THAT JOINT
Grandma can hear your bong from the living room, please be more quiet. Love mom.
i think we watched the dark knight rises after you left but i might have passed out through most of it. I remember crying at the end though. sad tears then happy tears.
if anyone knows where my shirt is please let me know and if you know why I don't have my own shirt please also let me know. also do any of you know why I'm missing a bra wire?
Denim handjobs are the worst handjobs. I hate all handjobs. Why do people even.
I need a beard to bite.
I’m ready to be reckless and make stupid decisions, and I need you to support me in that.
He was someone so memorable that I'd completely forgotten he'd existed up to and during the encounter
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