Yeah we had sex for the first time last night and all the text he sent me afterwards said was “heh”
I wasn't fucked. I was just drunk, because i was still able to walk into the woods and masterbate.
the realtor just asked me if i've ever made meth on this property.... i need to do something about my hair
We were confused who drove until we went outside and her cupholders were torn out of the dash and laying on the ground
You do realize there's a subtle difference between not remembering your outfit from april 17th of last year vs forgetting that last night you undressed in the street and were grabbing every dick you could reach, right?
Im just saying it can't be that bad if he drove himself to the er. We'll head that way when we finish playing scattergories
i just snorted adderall with my patient's rolled up EKG strip from our last clinical. nursing school has ruined me. thought you would appreciate this.
At one point I thought we were going to have to fuck our way out of their apartment
Overslept. So hungover. Apparently texting the first person in my contact list the time I would like to wake up is not how the alarm clock in my phone actually works.
When he opened the car door the whole thing fell off. Even that can be forgiven via his monster cock.
I was grinding on him when mosquitoes starting biting us and ruined every damn thing. I just wanted to fuck on a slide under the stars. It's every girls dream.
Trying to stay sober at a family function but hiccuping so fucking loud. "Have you been drinking?" I hit on my cousin so yeah. I have been drinking.
Updates: Made out with a teletubby last night in the middle of the street #lifegoals
It's 5am and I come home to you naked on the kitchen table and 3 people I never saw before fucking on the back porch ... and my weed gummy worms are gone. fuck you I'm taking your mom's offer
she's 6'2. you bet your ass i slept with her.
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