At least we don't have one night stands
True that. We sink our claws in our men.
Sometimes he's such a bitch I forget that he's not actually a girl. Last night I asked him if I could borrow a tampon.
He had some in his pocket. That was weird.
Pretending to care about her feelings is becoming a full time job
Ya after that i took a dump on a car... We're definitely partying with him again
They had an entire room dedicated to passed out people. It was like a dogpile of cross faded toddlers drooling on each other.
He is now the second fuck buddy that i have met by walking up and grinding on him. My ass is so much more productive than dating
All I remember is lecturing my dog about how she's a lucky bitch to have a structured eating and shitting schedule.
Ok I'm good with that cause I'm gonna disappear for 90 days
Are you goin to rehab again?
I hate being near you and not being able to do what I want. It's like a recovering alcoholic tending bar. I feel like Sam Malone. Except I can't bang the cute chick I work with.
The roommate asked me to make sure no one fucked in his room. And then preceded to give only me permission to fuck in his room. Had no idea who I was, just thought I was trustworthy cause I had Edward 40 hands. Felt like a Tarantino movie.
Getting day drunk before work is perfectly acceptable when its 99 cent margaritas.
Come get your pancakes and take a nap in my boobs.
Honestly, I want an afternoon of mild abuse, mixed with face fucking and general molestation that turns in love making, laughter and cinnamon toast crunch naked in bed.
I just spontaneously learned how to embroider at three in the morning.
I also almost burned the house down in the process. Don't ask me how. It's a long story.
3 words: harry potter burlesque. My life is so much more awesome than yours right now.
Randomize
