Anderson Cooper interviews Obama. It's like CNN is teasing and broadcasting my dream 3 way.
I like one night stands...theyre like crushes for big kids
I said make yourselves at home, not to put a used condom on my ceiling fan.
just left a line of flour and citric acid on the dresser for my roommate to find. teach that bastard to steal my coke!
dude what did you give her she's eating her pocket lint
You kept showing the cop the bruises on the bottoms of your feet and claiming you were a medical mystery.
All three shower stalls were filled with couples fucking and then someone yelled "switch" and... We switched
I don't have any bail money, if that's where this conversation is going
And that's why we do second round interviews for possible roommates.
You were so drunk you coat checked your shoe... Not even both of them. Just one shoe.
how do you make "fuck me in the break room" sound casual?
He has a baby picture of himself on the night stand. I don't think this whole 'one night stand' thing is for me.
Bottom line; if I'm coming out of my bat cave to do the dishes and get a chicken wing and I have no pants or makeup on and my messy bun looks more like Santa got leprosy and crashed his sled into the back of my head then let me be. That's all I'm saying.
Sexting gets boring after a while. I'm eating a sandwich right now and googling 'sexting ideas' and just copy/pasting lines.
It's a good sandwich though.
The hump and dump is a beautiful thing
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