3:38a: you guys up to anything right now?
I think tequila should come with a little jiminy cricket
Karaoke makes my soul die one wretched song at a time
hot pretzels for dinner, snacks, and now breakfast...oh to be a poor college student...everyday is like a carnival.
He locked about 20 beers in a suitcase and put it in the fridge. For a complete idiot, he's a goddamn genius.
I think one day, after evolution kicks in, my sons will thank me for having a 3rd ball. That's how much sex I'm having.
I look like a herd of wild horses chewed on my back. If you bite me again while taking me from behind, I'm going to have to cut you off.
He rubs his penis on back when he think I'm sleeping
I action rolled over a firepit. Twice. I am the action roll king
wine lets you be on time to class apparently
This is a dangerous realization
Let's drink?
Just because it's bacon vodka doesn't mean it's for breakfast.
dude i'm so hungover my hair hurts
I just had sex with a man wearing a Darth Vader helmet....he pressed the voice button the whole time that said "I am your father". I don't think I can ever come back from this
I have jizz, in my hair. I'm sitting in class with jizz. In. My. Hair. I need to make better life choices.
I don't know if I'm more disturbed by the fact that you hooked up with a dude with one arm, or that "hook up with a dude with one arm" was on your bucket list.
Randomize
