Something growled at me in your dark backyard last nt. Hoping it was my landwalking laser sharks and not Andy.
i dont think my parents would of encouraged me to save years of birthday money if they knew what i would eventually spend it on
My gym is having a pizza and beer party. God im starting to love this place.
I thought i'd save money with No Heat November but the amount of whiskey i have to buy to stay warm is probably adding up to more than a heat bill.
I feel like you pissing on my ping pong table isn't something to be proud of.
Hes flirting with her via the sauce packets at taco bell....... I have no words
Walked in on my boss having phone sex at work... and somehow this didnt bother nor embaress him
He started using my brother's rc helicopter as a beer delivery device. He's a drunk McGyver.
My pubes were yanked out by the root when they got caught in the condom. I think it's time for a bikini wax.
I don't think that calm, have their shit together people actually exist.
I woke up to pizza pinned to my wall. So that's that.
I just realized I wasn't at the party anymore. I was just sitting there with a vacuum.
He lives 20 minutes away driving distance and decided to walk. I talked to him today and he took a nap along the way... In a cemetery.
Did I tell you he put a lobster carcass on his dick?
I cant believe you bit her ass cheek, she must have been really weirded out.
yeah so we made out to make it less awkward
Randomize
