I think we should urban dictionary "drive of shame." It involves a sprint to your car in his underwear and shirt, surreptitiously trying to put on your bra on at stoplights without attracting attention from neighboring cars, and lurking in your car a block from home so you can know when your roommate leaves for work.
Five things that make you perfect. Go.
The skin of a dead hooker. The blood of the innocent. The soul of a kitten. The hat from cat in the hat. And sunglasses.
Every time I hang out with your gay friend, I have to make a checklist of words to look up when I get home. First Google of the night? "Power bottom."
can you pick me up an extra syllabus
i passed out in the shower again
He pulled a potato out of his bag in the library. A WHOLE FRIGGIN POTATO. He ate it like it was an apple and waved at the librarian as she stared at him.
From scraping the remnants from a coke bag at a lingerie party to meeting with an 80 year old man to discuss civil rights all in under 12 hours bizarrely feels like the epitome of my life
I'm about to pick up E from underneath a random doormat.......how is this remotely normal?
Well I either feel like the fat girl or very accomplished because his bed is now broken in three places
I think I need to see a chiropractor after giving that blow job
Napping in front of family members can be embarrassing when you get a christmas boner in your sleep
I know he's only a bandaid for my emotional disrepair, but he can stick me anytime!!
I'm slacking. We've been hooking up for months and I have yet to bang him while he's wearing the clown mask.
She's kind of holyer-than-thou, like god himself came down and said "please cock block your roommate at every opportunity, and if you think she's thinking of sex, tell her she's a whore"
Gonna do a few lines then clean my room so I can feel like my life is somewhat in order.
Omg, new summer goal: sex in a bouncy castle.
Randomize
