Friends don't let friends fuck ugly girls. WALK AWAY FROM HER!
she definitely has that "I'll bang you, but then I'll tell your girlfriend" look to her.
i googled "where to have sex in disneyland." i found nothing.
I'm not sure...it could be the pasta I ate from her sink, the dominoes, or just the alcohol. Or a wicked combination of all 3.
Ok just don't go to jail. I saw your account balance. It can't take that.
Does saving a line for myself for the morning so I don't seem hungover at work count as responsibility?
Adult decisions.
I have reached the point in my life where I realized this is what I'm going to do for the rest of my life. Eat, shit , bar, drink, drank, drunk.
you puked on the porch, i can see your jacket on the floor next to your underwear. i know your home, unchain the door, you're the worst roommate ever.
I just made the answer to all my security questions "fuck you" with various levels of ! marks. I may regret this in the morning.
I had to talk to the cops at my front door in a bathrobe, with the buttplug still in.
Is it possible to break your brain with drugs?
dude, i just accidentally flashed your mom. BIG TIME.
I really appreciate you taking the time to blur out my excessive boob cleavage for instagram
i had to flash a cab last night.
did it work?
No. he slowed down but then kept going. story of my life.
I just walked in on Joel doing a buck naked tripod headstand in front of the mirror so he could see the bug bite on his balls
Randomize
