someone just puked in the library. they put up caution tape. i totally underestimated finals week.
Do you know anything about the Easter basket sitting on my doorstep filled with porn and peeps?
This is your monthly public service announcement that sexual services will temporarily cease from Wednesday night to Monday. Please plan accordingly and have a nice day =D
Why does She think it's her duty to welcome in freshman through the welcome mat that is her vagina
I told her I had the flu when in reality I did way too many drugs last night, haven't slept and don't want to sit through a 3 hour buisness meeting trying to figure out which voices are real and which are in my head
Curse you and your alcoholic milkshakes.
You're welcome.
No more drinking with Em. She was on the ground so much she looked like she belongs in a lifealert commercial
Can an epipen be used as a tranquilizer ?
also Jesus you really need to change your diet. I just washed your baby gravy out of my hair and it's so acidic my hair is damaged. You have killer sperm
Champagne pong turned into an expensive and painful experience.
You go to bars with sophisticated older men, I steal lawn ornaments. Priorities
So the next time I call you and say I'm going to my first strip club because it's christmas eve eve, and have work the next morning, I'd appreciate you stopping me
I met a guy last night who bought me a book on Amazon at the bar and then we had sex. Boners for books is a thing. Boom.
if by making eggnog you mean drinking all the spiced rum, then yes, she's making eggnog
why yes, bad decisions will be made starting at 3PM Thurs through 8PM on Sun. You have been warned. Plan accordingly.
Randomize
