is it really weird I just got "suckable tits" in my honesty box and I'm flattered??
You called me twice to tell me that you spit in your own eye, when I was right next to you.
my coke dealer is running a Black Friday special
Dude, I went home and roller-bladed into her bedroom so I didn't have a 'walk' or shame in the morning..I wouldn't talk to her unless she refereed to me as Brink
how the hell did this chicken wing end up in my cast?!
Honest to god.. She looks better fat. I never would have imagined those words coming out of my mouth, EVER.
I love my life sometimes. I do miss being an adult, from time to time, but a little vodka always changes my mind.
Your topless pictures make me question reality
The date officially concluded on the phrase "Nosh dat vag".
This is not a drill. I need a cape. And a tuxedo. Simultaneously. Repeat. NOT. A. DRILL....
I mean I faked it but he could answer my texts
But if you move out who will get drunk with me on the roof and yell at boys?!?
So, just how hungover are you?
Not at all, surprisingly.
That has to be your X-Men power.
I just used a coke ridden $20 bill to buy Girl Scout cookies
Double high-fived his wife and her sister on the way out. If I'm not the best mistress ever tell me how.
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