It's Friday. Sex?
Hm. I declare blue a flavor.
I don't hate you. My dick is upset with you, but I don't hate you.
You are like a prophet. It's amazing how many people you convince to be lesbians.
I will no longer accept being cock blocked in my own bed.
I opened my door to find him standing there with vodka, McDonalds, a smile and a hard-on. Of course I let him in.
I found someone's tooth on the stairs when I was vacuuming, and my sister found a catheter in the men's bathroom... this cleaning job is dangerous
He pulled a kid having a seizure out of a car and stayed with him until the ambulance came.
he what???
Not kidding. My ovaries cannot handle this shit...swear next time he'll rescue a bunch of pound puppies and hand them out to lonely orphans.
struggle bus is officially taking me on a road trip to hell. If this is just the first destination, I'll jump out the fucking window.
So you broke your ribs while fucking? Dude you just got about 25% hotter.
I just loudly threatened to kill a self checkout machine
He just turned down phone sex for hockey and I'm so relieved I'm fucking a straight guy that I'm barely even mad
When i said you could use my car and have sex in the back....i wasn't being serious.
I was pretty sure he wouldn't be into me after I fucked his brother, and then his best friend, and yet, here I am doing lines off his stomach
I just googled "how to blow an uncircumcised guy" and did serious research. That's how badly I want to fuck him.
You misuse your internet privileges.
Randomize
