I called the bar to ask if they found my Id and credit card and they remembered me as 'the girl who signed her receipt in blood'
i just realized why god gave us younger siblings....to DD for us when we come home for the summers
Her brother is deaf.
no wonder she was so good with her hands
I couldnt bring myself to steal alcohol from my dead grandma
did anyone else see me puking into my coat sleeve?
Thats not how it works. You get the Rachel, and then Rachel kicks you out. Don't linger or try to cuddle, its just pathetic and makes me look down on you and your penis
Oh yes. Made out with a grandmother..... she had fake boobs and it was 330am. That makes it okay.
Mardi gras at its finest.
Also I've decided that I'm buying the next friend of mine who is dumb enough to get married a live porcupine as a wedding present.
Medically speaking as your gynecologist and your girlfriend, that is not a rash.
And we're breaking up
i spilled a box of white cheddar cheezits on the bathroom floor about 2 days ago. when i went back to the house he yelled at me from the bathroom: "THANKS FOR THE CHEEZITS, I'll ALWAYS HAVE A SNACK FOR WHEN IM SHITTING NOW!"
Red flag bro. Her only friends are barflys and a teen with a fake ID
...there was a woman in the stall next to me in the Walmart bathroom having a massive bowl movement and whispering "I'm sorry" over and over
Love these next 4 months. Wake up from a college football hangover and get to put your hand down your pants and watch NFL football all day.
I feel like cursing someone's first born child right now. Like I wanna maleficent some bitch.
the conference was great. we had to hide the acid in a planter in front of the department of agriculture though
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