Police were just in my backyard to recover a loaded .38. What the fuck?????
it felt like I walked into a Tool Academy challenge
She was Ugg boots AND a Bumpit. Of course I didn't sleep with her.
he must have thought the song was "ejacuate on the dance floor"
Ok love is a little strong. But he consented to Nachos, beer and board game date with my cats. Keeper.
if you lined all their dicks up next to eachother, it would be like at&t bars
Sometimes I wonder how different my life would be if I didn't share a weekly margarita with my mom since i was 12
Ask her if said friend is decent looking or a wildabeast. Need to know if I need to top these 8 coronas off with a little tequila.
I only wish the guy being lead around by his cock at the drag show was the weirdest part of my night.
You don't care if I shave my legs, but you insist I be conscious for sex. Whatever. I really think your priorities are out of whack.
GET OVER HERE. HOTTIE ALERT
^^^This is why you should have charged your phone prior to going out.
I asked what you thought of her and you replied not the biggest I have had
I was a bouncer for about 90 seconds until the real bouncers figured out that I was doing their job
... and smoked a joint with my new landlord. I'm starting to like Germany.
I just watched a porn called gay of thrones and I think I've reached a new low in my life
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