I just figured I'd let u know that you bought a yacht on ebay last night
do people really wait til 5 oclock to start drinking in real life?
I turned down free cocaine. I both respect and regret and that decision.
i should not be allowed to orgasm that much in one day.
Some random walked into our tent, woke her up and said "Harry Potter must not go back to Hogwarts!"
Well at least you learned that cops don't like when you call them frenchy. Nice dive over the fence by the way.
If you do that, i will make all sorts of uncomfortable comments about my nipples being soft
Just watched an entire Mariachi band walk of shame home together. Halloween at its finest
I just sent a snapchat of my boobs for Adderall. It's finals season.
Timehop reminded me that 4 years ago today I helped a one armed man do the YMCA by being his other arm.
Come camping we have xanax and steaks
And no one can masturbate with the sound of Bernie's voice in the background
We ate sushi in a hospital bed, then fucked in a bathroom while I wore a gown. Pretty sure she's the one
Details are irrelevant. Come bail me out of jail.
We need to stop smoking. I just ran into a glass door.
Randomize
