my mom just threw water on me to get me awake and is screaming "where is my fucking car?!"
you gave me a ride last nite what the hell did you do with it after you left me?
my mother and i just seriously had a convorsation about why you cant Google "Refurbished Dildos"
I swear god or herbie drove my car home
i'm almost done photoshopping my face on his wife. it's a done deal
I just figured out that you can toast a marshmallow with a butter knife and a cigarette lighter. I'm like a retarded Mister Wizard
We had to put his head at the bottom of the driveway so the puke would run down. Now he's sleeping outside.
he called you a drunk bob the builder and you proceeded to explain how you were going to build ramps throughout the house
Why do I have flashes of a dark shed in my memory?
Because we had sex in one.
How do you say "get out of my apartment" in Spanish. No time to explain, just tell me.
That chick who made out with a door is here. Want her number??
High water is the most godliest tasting water in the world.
Just specific performance'd my way into her pants. I literally said specific performance and that shit worked. Thanks B. Law!
I totally just pulled my thong out of my purse at the grocery store. Oops.
I made him leave to get me chicken nuggets so I could have sex with his roommate
when i was on the highway she passed out and knocked my transmission into nuetral with her forehead...that was an experience
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