Remember that dream I told you about where I shit out my own skeleton? I had it again last night.
Oh and then this old man who saw it happen goes "don't do that"
Hahaha what a helpful old man. Like you thought it was normal to be spilling gas everywhere.
i can't wait to kiss dudes with my vampire teeth in.
trsut me youll find me, im the only kanye west here and every1 is chanting dbag at me
I just ran from Santa Claus in Kroger
you were cooking a hot pocket with a grill lighter what did you want me to do
Btw. Made out with a random kid at a frat. It's all good though. He invited us to his frat party tomorrow so yay! For having plans!
it took us a while to figure out sex on a tire swing, buuuuuuuut MISSION ACCOMPLISHED
You went full blown lifeguard... You wouldn't let me sleep until I was in the safety position, so I wouldn't die in my sleep...
We exchanged spring break stories last night. Open relationships are the best.
Someone explain why I'm twerking in my bathroom right now before a charity run
I just put vagisil on my bug bites how do you think my morning is going
It's official. Post baseball sex is better than post hockey sex. I hope the Blue Jays win the world series.
One time she showed me her pierced nipples in our high school locker room and now she has a daughter
Holy shit he’s stupid hot! If you don’t hurry up and make a move my ovaries are going to march over there and introduce themselves
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