I introduced my face to asphalt last night. They didn't get along.
This is worse that I thought. He's playing violin for me.
cat food counts as protein by the way
You cleaned out the gashes in your leg from hopping that fence with that whipped cream vodka, didnt you?
She asked me to go inside, make myself a drink and slip into something a little more naked.
He shoved his balls through an egg carton and showed us a picture. They were surprisingly egg-like.
Listen. You seriously only live once... there aren't that many cinco de mayos left until someone knocks u up and u have to have a shotgun wedding. Man up.
Ughhhh. Finnnneeeeee. I'll have sex with your brother. Sheesh. The things I do for you woman.
I realize it truly is impossible to burrow under the grass like a mole. Let's not drink for at least another 3 days.
You know I ate twenty hot dogs in an hour once.
I am honestly so surprised you are a lesbian.
Maybe is for pussies. We only say yes in this household
No ambien sex tonight. I just ate two hotdogs with chilli and onions.
The difference in our lives is summed up perfectly in that you woke up next to a 6'4" guy with an accent and I woke up next to an unwrapped piece of string cheese.
Would it be weird if I bought knee pads and shin guards to fuck in my car?
Nobody cheats on THIS.
Randomize
