I opened up her dishwasher and all I found was a spoon, a juice glass and all her sex toys.
through my window right now you can see the hot chick next door is standing BUTT ASS NAKED eating peanut butter off a knife.
ill be there in 5.
how are you gonna miss the world cup? other than the olympics it's our last way to assert our dominance over China after this economic bull shit
drinking out of a sandbucket again
Frozen waffles and wine. Loneliness-party of one
Wore last nights jeans to Christmas Dinner with the fam, found a half gram of blow, while they're praying ill be railing.
After they flagged you, you hid in a bathroom stall and text me to bring you more shots. That kind of drunk.
Directions to your booty call: go down the part of Route 66 that has all the car dealerships, motels and bad decisions, go past the Christian college and turn left at the Children's Center.
I want to but I can't have a boner while doing a install and working with a customer
Margaritas just taste better when they're bigger than your head
Also I feel like death. But like. In a good way
I HAVE 5 FELTING NEEDLES AND THEYRE GOING DIRECTLY INTO YOUR EYES IF YOU POST THAT SHIT
So you're saying that I ended up challenging a dude to Uno then proceed to punch them in the face?
Can you please bring the nipple sombrero up?
One day I'm going to get tired of waking up and wondering where the glow sticks on the floor came from.
Randomize
