Reminder- he's a douche bag. A big one.
i am sick of getting naked and seeing how fat i am.
I'd do that. But we would need storm trooper helmets.
oh my god. my mom just found my pipe. she thought it was a dildo.
like i said, there should be a sitcom about your family.
all ten of us were sitting in his room with the lights off and staring at his colorful moving screensaver for two hours. That high.
Ok I can't be your drugdealer AND booty call AND friend. It just doesn't work that way
What I thought it would be sexy pouring melted chocolate down here chest, ended up in second degree burns. Hot food and sex do not mix.
I woke up on a futon in some strangers house. They were eating pizza and told me everything was going to be fine.
I feel like I have streams of color and coldness wrapping around my body.
Yeah. she rolled up to the party on a unicycle then peed in the bushes. TA of the year.
Sitting in the library studying = googling how to get laid in the library.
currently taking a solo cab to the strip club at 1 in the morning. this is healthy.
So I've discovered that being hungover at 25 feels the same as being hungover at 24. Happy Birthday to me.
I have a sixth sense for large penises and lack of morals
my gyno just used the expression "dick around." too far?
Randomize
