i have the same doorman on the day shift as the guyi shacked with has on the night shift. he just laughed at me when i came home this AM. FML
saw you had $9 in your checking acct, left $20 on your dresser so you won't be a whore this weekend
I was so drunk last night i ate cereal with a fork.
i just farted in a meeting....took me completely by surprise.
so you made the shocked face and they caught you.
yup.
she asked if i had a condom...i said yes...when we finished it wasnt on...told her it was at home on my dresser.
I think my penis and your vagina just became best friends last night.
We've shared an experience, my friend. I, too, have talked on the phone with a parent while giving a handjob
Saw a guy pass out and hit his head on a urinal. Laughing too hard to help him up
gave him road head on the way to his grandparents house. purposely didn't let him finish, the sexual tension over turkey was indescribable.
Lol no. She's home safe. You forget she is too pretty to get arrested.
I will turn myself into a beacon of get at me bro
I stole us four large rolls of toilet paper from the hotel carts. I feel like the breadwinner in this relationship
Man, that hitchhiker cursed me.
Yeah, sorry about that. Dropped the phone on my face while I was watching porn.
We need to catch up immediately. I took ecstasy and made out with carrot face this weekend.
Randomize
