i miss vodka and anonymity. college is so rich in both. in college we are a many armed creature, lubricated with beer and sex.
she's got a whisker from her dead cat taped to the wall. I'm pretty sure that about sums it up...
this is like black Friday for my dealer. I'm literally standing in line.
A. What the fuck are period panties? B. Don't ever wear them around me... or bears.
he busted in while i was showering looked at me and said "youve lost weight bro, no homo" and started puking into the sink
You do realize that we got a stripper to do the YMCA for us on the main stage... Right?
It'll be a Christmas-Fucking-Miracle if we get through the ceremony without a groomsman vomming
The maintenance guy asked for a box to stand on to reach the ceiling. All I could offer him was a keg.
Winning pick four numbers were just 6969... if I were 18 I could've won 20,000 dollars.
You fell out of the chair and then lifted your foot saying, "If my foot could give you the middle finger it would."
Had sex in a cemetery last night during a thunderstorm. I feel like my goth points have skyrocketed
I promised her I would shit on your driveway. There's nothing that you or I can do about it now.
Don't send me pics of cunning dicks while I'm eating potato chips
all my friends are getting married and here i am in a committed relationship with rum
It’s so white trash that I almost have to have it.
Randomize
