the couple across the street's about to bang. go get the popcorn and come join us.
New swimming pool is best sex toy ever. We are pioneering the doggie-style paddle.
His foreplay reminded me too much of breastfeeding.
We thought you were crowd-surfing until we realized it was the bouncers throwing you out
come in to starbucks and ill make you a 4loko latte before theyre banned
Dorm room. In. Elevator. Fell in. Boom. Puke
some fat dude with wolverine facial hair just walked out of your room with a snuggie. explanation needed.
Frats are adorable. They make mediocre guys think they're worth a shit.
...the American dream.
I have straight up perfected the art of amazing manicures with shaky-as-fuck adderall hands. Also, I'm way too proud of this.
I just pawned the ring from my ex boyfriend to replace the ring I lost from my current boyfriend. #thanks
I'm sorry I pissed in your bedroom and then woke you up when I tried to jump off the balcony
Well, after a pitcher of beer, I set my ex on fire. It was a little fire, he's fine. How's your night?
While we were doing it he looked up at me and said "Does your husband fuck you this good?" Talk about a mood killer....
I assure you, it was not a Porn Hub Bee Movie parody.
He said he’s shouting let’s get this bread the first time we have sex...
He’s very straightforward
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