so i replaced his speed with my ped egg shaveings
dont u have athletes foot?
wait a second... your telling me you want me to take you to the bank at 10 on a tuesday so you can buy a blow up pool and fill it with beer?
yes... and buy you lunch
I hope he doesn't find the chex mix when he takes my shirt off.
I've crashed the car, it's a write off. The police are here and I'm dressesd as a crayon.
Hi future me, I saved you a big mac under the bed.
just in the smoking shack with my sister cheering on a caterpillar make its cocoon
I was originally going to go as fembot from Austin Powers
I wanted to have tiny guns for tits
I don't know if your celebrity crush has ever asked you for nudes, but it's fucking awesome
Had to decide between a hook up at the train restroom or getting to work on time #growingup
I'm currently sitting beside my brother who is taking a bath and feeding him nachos while he covers his genitals. If that's not sibling bonding then I don't know what is
I know he's gay. But if he touches my vagina I'm human centipeding his face. Sorry not sorry
I can't hang out tomorrow. A boy wants to feed me ice cream and touch my boobs. Priorities.
it wasnt that bad
you tried to climb into my fireplace while screaming TO DIAGON ALLEY! we didnt even watch harry potter. it was bad
I was totally going to fuck him and then his friend walked in brushing his teeth, whipped down his pants and started doing the windmill. Ultimate cock block
I have bruises everywhere an I broke the lamp. So ya I'd considerate rough sex.
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