Where is the hickey?
Apparently you make a good broom.
my house keeper must think I'm a prostitute.
you have no chance. her best friend is a human abstinence poster.
I knew as soon as I saw that pole that I was going to wake up the next morning with bruises.
The guy you hooked up with is asleep in the tub. I just pee'd and he said 'turn off the tap' before snoring again.
when was she peeing in the stairwell? why dont i remember this?
....because generally we only remember 40% of the night each, and have to fill eachother in. And that still leaves 20% that we will never know and its probably for the best
So the bartender from Applebees totally looks like he would take his clothes off for $40
I like how you possess the gift that turns normal guys into strippers
On way back. With a shopping cart. Minimal casualties.
Everyone was soo nice and genuine.. Then again it coulda just been the drugs.
Haha ohman remember when I peed in your blender? Gotta love college.
YOU DID WHAT???
This mustache is awesome. I can't pass by a mirror without looking in it and thinking damn, I'd like to give that guy a handy.
It's just a friend who is recently single and I'm going to heal his broken heart with my vagina
Why is it pressure? I want to see your cute face and possibly sit on it. You make it like its a bad thing.
Speaking of dumpster fires, your ex tried to add me on Facebook
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