My friends, they love my intelligence
I can't believe you let me try to pierce your nipple with a dart last night
I just google mapped his house on satellite so i can really see how much money he has. Does that make me shallow?
um. i met him on myspace...we text now, he lives down the street
don't look now, but that cross eyed girl is staring at you... and me.
Your brother just informed me that half a mouthful is a unit of measurement. I love talking to members of your family.
he just made me youtube cheetahs running and he thinks he is in a pool
My ex just called and told me that he is on his way to the hospital because he popped a vein in his dick. Should I go to the ER with him or class?
I locked the porch door but I left a spare key on top of the keg on the side of the house
He sent me a dick pic from work, but I could see all the pizzas in the background. Now I'm just hungry.
Help me help you realize you are a moron
Why is there cereal literally EVERYWHERE?
It didn't follow directions.
I don't want to sleep with any other woman but you but I want to try this whole mother daughter thing that would be nuts
I got home and he was wearing a suit. He said he reason was because it was shirt and tie Saturday and that he won't change until midnight. He then proceeded to answer the door in a British accent.
if i had an alexa it would be saying “have sex with guys that don’t care about you”
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