Um, I don't know who U MEANT to send that to, but yes I WAS going to fuck you. Instead you can go play Halo with ur friends.
These people need to leave so I can have rum and Doritos at work like every other American.
Definitely almost got hit in the face with a baby
Stop leaving me alone with my ex boyfriends after keg challenges. Woke up in his bed covered in what you think would be cum. No...toothpaste. He left a note. "Be home at four. Don't be here when I get back."
An we can hold bottles of vodka in our hands singing yo ho a pirates life for me
On the plus side, I got cel phone video of a major fox news host doing coke.
This is the most boring acid ever. I feel like a child. But thats okay, I've been a child before, its nothing new.
there is a hole burned clean through my text book on forestry law and I saw you walking around with a blowtorch last night. Hope you have $160 on ya...
I still feel like a bad person. A shoulder to cry on became a dick to suck.
I'm getting drunk by myself again. But I'm not shotgunning any of them. That's self-restraint, right?
After we finished having sex, he drunkenly tried to hugh five me, farted, then accused me of stealing his socks.
The first thing you did was give us a tour of the house and showed us who was "on-limits" and "off-limits"
The tamale guy is fucking with me, I wanna sleep in he wakes me up; early wake-n-bake and he's late and I'm hungry
if it makes you feel any better you looked really comfortable while you were sleepin in the closet, atleast according to the pictures i woke up with on my phone
You told me that you couldn't come over because you felt like you were gonna die and that houses eat you when you die, and my house couldn't eat you because your house would be jealous. That's when I knew to take the bowl away from you.
Randomize
