Sometimes I kiss girls just to make them shut up.
it's one of those mornings where you are proud of yourself just for waking up.
You only like me because I'm a challenge
You already blew me
i'm trying to figure out what goes best with beef ramen. a 2007 merlot or a 2008 pinot noir? i'm leaning toward the pinot noir.
Well today was Thanksgiving Anti-Miracle Daydrinkathon so I had to be drunk by 2pm
then he compared my vagina to a dishwasher. A DISHWASHER?!
yea, there's something about a stripper whipping you with your own belt that makes you think
Fun fact of the day: Our cat does not like rum.
I feel like ass. I'm missing 12 hours of my life and all I have to show for it is an empty wendys bag. Those Shrooms were too much... When do we do it again?
I've never danced to a Michael Jackson song in a bar and left alone bro. Something in girls loves a guy who dances to mj
I fucking, woke up on a couch with a towel as a blanket to someones lion king ringtone.
He pissed on a police station. Then expected to not be arrested. Sounds accurate.
Who showers for four hours?!
It was like a tropical nap.
I'm high. The text bubbles floating do no justice to the underwater experiences
I AM NOT LOSING TO SOME FICTIONAL CROSSDRESSER
Randomize
