I think I just got seasick
you're not on a boat
he has a waterbed.
she was mega hot - except for the poop under her fingernails
never have phone sex with a hardcore republican during this health care crisis . just dont.
you kept screaming that dicks were growing out of your back and then you started crying cause they were so far from your vag
could you get any more awkward?
He looks like the kind of guy that would jack off to weird things.
Doing lines of cocaine in the bathroom and the word 'better' do not belong in the same sentence.
You'd think if the campus holds 28,000 undergrad I wouldn't run into three people I've hooked up with in one day
I will always remember today as the day I narrowly escaped having to touch a tiny penis
I wish him all the best and hope one day he can afford the surgery to remove his head from his ass
There was this blissful moment of peace and quiet... then you ran past our window with a lit firecracker in hand going, "SHIT. SHIT. SHIT!"
Enroute to my place eta 6 mikes...estimated time until intoxicated? 45 mikes. Commence the timer.
Made eye contact with his twin sister the day after he gave me a lifechanging blowjob. Do you think she knows?
Do you remember the guy that smelled like hot dogs?
Just had a customer call his drug dealer in front of me but act like it was normal call.
He punched me in the face while giving him road head, because he was driving stick. I shit you not.
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