so on my way home this naked dude runs right in front me his weiner at half mast screaming i'm only doing this cause its a 50 dollar dare
I was getting a bj with sports center on in the background
Da na na, na na naa
The musician playing at the bar just puked inside his acoustic guitar, then sang an encore performance. I love Louisa!!!!
Thinking about bringing a vibrator to the tanning bed...kill two birds with one stone right?
I miss old school porno. There just isn't any love in porn these days.
Apparently "he pulled out..mostly" is not a valid reason for thinking there's no way i can be pregnant to the nurses at the student health center.
I don't even know. I woke up to a text from someone named Vick saying he was 'legit worried' that I had herpes.
Like I said I'm looking on the bright side. The bright side just happens to be filled with penis attached to hot marines
he tried to give me his business card but gave me his health insurance card then realized it and offered to take me to the strip club
Dude, i just watched a drag queen dropkick a motherfucker. this is a good night.
We went camping and met these lesbians and now I have S'mores where there shouldn't be S'mores.
My puke in the shower morning just turned into a puke in the restroom at work afternoon. I'm the human embodiment of dumpster fire.
We almost drove away from the bar with a British stranger in our trunk...
Haha I wasn't coming anyway. I'm watching Snow White and don't want to put pants back on. Those are completely unrelated. Have a good night.
Pooled our money and rented a bouncy castle for the day. Get over here now. Bring vodka.
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