Her parents hate her and she's on like major lockdown. All her friends are in jail and she has massive pit stains. Dude... It doesn't get much worse than that.
I just got a Community College debit card in the mail. My failure has been materialized.
organizing the empties. That sober.
He's trying to row the canoe up my front yard like he is Lewis and Clark.
He introduced himself to me as "the gayest gay who ever gayed." I like him already.
Do you know what's great about Canada?..... There will always be a Tim Hortons on my walk of shame route
I'm spoon feeding myself tequila for breakfast, should we skip class today?
I sent him a naked picture of me with the caption "I lost at beer pong, this was a dare. Hope your nights going as good as mine" I've never talked to him in my life, this is a strange way to start.
Stop treating my vagina like a slapchop.
Wait is it okay if I still want to fuck the whole USA swim team or is that only acceptable during the Olympics?
She poured beer through the deck into the hot tub. She called it a deck shot. It was horrifying but super awesome at the same time.
Had a grope session with a girl who looked like my Mom and had the same name as her as well. I think therapy is in order.
ted dressed as a cardinal led an expedition across campus. i felt like one of the 12 apostles.
I'm still mad from all the stupid shit he's done this week that even though I couldn't give two shits about Vday, I'm gonna throw an epic tantrum if he doesn't morph in to Nickolas Sparks for a day
I feel like I don't even know what's gonna happen when we first see each other. It'll be like explosions and glitter and a unicorn will run by pulling a sleigh of alcohol and sex.
Randomize
