I want to buy you liquor! I want to kiss your face.
What kind of poor, pathetic town do we live in where a horny teenage girl is sitting in her basement on a saturday night, unlaid?
Waitress cut us off at Chili's bar. New low
I almost punched the night nurse in her face. I woke up and she was standing over me.
Pillow talk just revealed that he originally thought I was 16.
We started a mustache riot at white castle at 4 in the morning. Will explain in detail.
He's like my sex unicorn. Elusive and majestic. I'll catch him, I'm baiting with patron.
It took him three days to realize his roommate had moved out.
my heaven will be filled with hot naked men covered in chick-fil-a sauce and me wearing a bib
last karaoke night = doing dmx songs with a guy who threatened to stab me. so yeah I'm coming out.
I'm hoping they send me home from work drunk.
Spent fifteen minutes in the car thinking i was psychic before i realized the cd was not on shuffle
I gave him the white girl "you spilled my psl look" and walked away
Here's a tip: do NOT chant "MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS." during sex because the Packers won against the Giants.
Replacing my paralegal is easy. Replacing my favorite office fuck toy is a totally different story. Damn him for wanting to better himself instead of being my manwhore
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