If I ever start a band I'm gonna name it "Nancy Reagan's Vagina"
Did we use protection last night?
Um, no...keep in touch, okay?
There's a lady carrying her kids toy animals in a crown royal bag. Mom of the year.
i was actually impressed that she managed to throw up underwater while scuba diving
We have a tower of vodka coming. OF VODKA
He came in 20 minutes late for his final wearing plastic bags on his feet, and a tablecloth cape. Explain.
We attempted to microwave fifteen corndogs in the microwave and may have ruined it. Also there were fake mustaches on all of his appliances...he said he doesn't like drunk me.
Nothing like hearing "I found your pinky nail" before you even noticed it was missing.
Well I just found the most comfortable way to pass out on my toilet if I ever have to.
Its a good thing to know for upcoming events.
Beer, water, beer, water, beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer so much beer
Like 50% of me thinks it'll be weird, 25% of me is curious & 25% of me is horny
Did you take the bag w/your drugs & cookie cutter?
He carried you out but the best part is you kept saying "can't I keep dancing" as you were gushing blood
What, wait. You are not supposed to drink wine out of the bottle?
Everytime I come home this stoned I masturbate in the shower for that long, its like my lonely ritual. Accept me.
Randomize
