i thought i was pinching her nipple. It was her mole
No mine's bigger. It just looks smaller because I'm drunk
He spent most of his night trying to convince people that he had changed and was no longer a sleazebag...he had his nut hanging out of his pants about an hour later.
He told me something must be wrong, because no one had seen my boobs yet
when im done with her im going to need you to carry me on your shoulders as i poses victoriously for all those who were within earshot
Hey, this is a mass text. I have a hospital bill from November, and I don't know from what. Did anyone bring me to the hospital on a drunken night that I don't remember...?
He tried to take a picture of me naked but only got my ass. I don't know his name but if my butt is a guys wallpaper, that's the one I boned.
From the same High Brittany who brought you such thoughts as, "Fuck, am I wearing shoes?" Comes High Brittany on a date! Stay tuned. This will be interesting.
Specially since he wanted to forget that we even touched, which makes it funnier because I don't think you can take back licking someone's butthole...
I mixed Jack with hot chocolate. This may be the best or worst idea ever. I have yet to find that out
I changed his name in my phone to "Irrelevant" last night. Not changing it back.
I will most likely miss you the least and fondly remember you as Mr. "I need a minute" but really need 24 hours and 4 extra inches.
I think I might start referring to your vagina as a separate being now
i'm 99% sure they had an orgy while i was passed out
her nickname was handjob. I knew what i was getting into.
Randomize
